Friday, September 3, 2010

Re: JUST FOR LAUGHS

Why should I get the baking chance yet I am from Murang'a County?

Unlike Muita, I spent very little time in Murang'a and left the county when men did their job in the bedroom
as if they were being paid. Muita left when the bedroom crises reached peak. Go figure.

Unlike Muita, I am not a permanent resident of Muranga and dont have murang'a roots. I am mixed, actually .4 since my mother
is from Kiambu, her mother had Maasai roots, my fathers father has embu roots and my granny (paternal) has Kamba roots. Muita has full Murang'a roots and is pure blooded Murang'an. So if there is any credit Josephine wants to give to Murang'a on baking, let it go to Muita not me (I am not selfish as you can see and I believe in second chances but Muita got ten chances and failed.

We need to ask ourselves why Muita has let the oven remain hot before we dismiss his baking skills. Is he afraid of cooking half baked cake or is he
scared of PB (Premature Baking?). Since we need milk for the baking, is he afraid of spilling it before it gets into the oven or what? Is he aware that Josephine has waited for too long and the milk may have gone sour? Who told Muita that Josephine wants to eat a cake with sour milk? Who told Muita that she likes maziwa mala? 

Josephine needs a cake from the man of God because he has fresh milk for the cake and he is ready to out the cake into the oven right now. Muita's cake seems to have refused to rise but the man of God's cake rose before it even got near the oven. Josephine needed to say she will supervise the baking and the man of God's cake rose to the occasion. I will not let her down and the cake shall remain risen until Kingdom come or until she is ready to eat it and keep it. The cake shall remain hard to avoid breaking during the eating session. It will be well cooked, all sides of the cake will be cooked in the oven because the man of God will keep on changing where it stays in the oven and making sure that no part of the oven shall remain untouched however hot the oven shall be. Occasionally the cake will be removed from the oven inorder to add ingredients and Josephine will be allowed to taste the cake in order to find out whether it is well cooked. It will then be inserted back into the oven and will be placed into the furthest part of the oven. No stone in the oven shall be left unturned. 

Josephine need to accept this cake because it will a Kamba cake once it is cooked. The theme of the baking will be Kamba and it shall be titled, "Cake Baked in the Kamba Oven".  So as we bake, the caterer and the cateress shall be doing Kilumi jigs. This cake shall be so good that it's goodness shall spread from Chyulu Hills to Mtito Adei and will stop until Josephine and the Man of God get to Mbooni. When we are done with the cooking, Josephine will be asked where she was with the man of God and she shall reply, "Mbooni".

Muita should be dismissed because he handled this baking worse than how Chirau Makwere handled the transportation docket. Muita should know that John Michuki has taken over his ministry. His was worse than the collapsed Nyayo Car Motors. Dead on conception! He is the old katiba, I am the new one and Josephine has promulagted the man of God. Muita should return to Mathioya and cry by the Rivers of Murang'a. I will sailing on Athi River headed to Mbooni where I will meet Josephine for several baking sessions. 

Muita is an expert in computers and should have known how to handle the baking using the computer world. He behaved like he is running a Pentium 0.1 with some 10 Mb processor. The man of God has 5 Ghz of provessor, and unlike Muita whose space is some 100 MB, the Askofu cake's space is beyond Gigabytes and talking to Terabytes, some 3 Terabytes compared may be Muita's few megabytes (too little to talk of Gigs).
 
Was Muita afraid of a case where the computer will take too long to open and it would keep on freezing? I have good news for Josephine, this computer opens with lightening speed and she will surf the internet for as long as she wants, no freezing, no refusal to boot and no rebooting. You cant go wrong with the Terabyte and some 5 Ghz of speed. It will be like running with a cheetah as opposed to running with a tortoise called Muita. Mbooni here we come.

Kuria


On Fri, Sep 3, 2010 at 9:08 AM, Kuria-Mwangi <kjmwangi@gmail.com> wrote:
Gathoni,
Muita's anme should not be mentioned or written again on this baking topic. He is fired and
in his the man of God has taken over. I had advocated for him to do the baking with
Josephine, our chief catereress because he comes from my county but he has let me down.
By now all we wanted to hear from the cateress was that the baking was progressing on well
and she is happy with the baking. Now she is frustrated because the baker is missing
in action. But what did we expect from a Murang'a man? Many of them have let us down due to
kumi kumi where women have claimed that they sleep on the job (for those who start jobbing but sleep half way and some
times at the gate).

As a fellow county man, I supported Muita and appointed him the Czar of the kitchen but see what he has done
to the queen of the kitchen. She warmed the oven and put it to 500 degrees but there is no cake to cook. What a shame.

I have bad news for the Czar Muita:
Rasputin has arrived move out Czar Muita: 


Askofu like the other Rasputin is a man of the cloth but also a love machine. The Russian King (Read Muita) atakula huu because Rasputin has taken the Russian queen.

Muita will be invited to watch Rasputin do the baking so that he can know how it ought be done as his former queen sings Daddy Cool in the kitchen- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5gNYVia2rg&feature=related

Muita will be given by Josephine one way ticket-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DYA1raD-YY&feature=related
He cannot return back to that kitchen. On the door to the kitchen there shall be a notice in bold letters:

Muita asiingie jikoni:

Muita will then head to Iran where he will be crying by the Rivers of Babylon when he remembers Josephine.


As Muita cries by the Rivers of Babylon, I will be singing to Josephine, Bahama Mama


As Rasputin and the Russian queen (read Josephine) bakes, I will be singing Fadhili Williams Malaika to Josephine, my Malaika:


Josephine will be jumping up and down (her legs) as Rasputin does his baking as she sings Hooray Hooray because it will be a holiday
for us as we promulgate the new union.


Josephine will be the brown girl in the ring:


Josephine facing and going to Mt. Kenya (West)



And she will tell the Painter Man after the cake is ready and eaten, "i better go home"

But she will go home after " Night flight to Venus"

And both of us will be children of paradise during the baking

And during the baking sesssion, I will one time tell her "Hold on I am coming!"


And she will be so excited that she will shout, "help help help"


And she will be baptized by Askofu and she will say, "I am born again"


 And Muita will be sailing away and she will say "I see a boat in the river"


And Muita will be singing "No woman no cry"


And that is the story of Ma Baker aka Cateress aka Josephine:


Rasputin.








On Thu, Sep 2, 2010 at 3:57 PM, Jac <jack.gathoni@gmail.com> wrote:
Ja`kamburi, Kuria, Muita, Josphine and Papa am witing for just for
laughs season 2.

 It better be more interesting!

On 9/2/10, jnzioka@ppoa.go.ke <jnzioka@ppoa.go.ke> wrote:
>
> Kaburini,
>
> Kuria is the leader of spoilers. Ask him which cake he baked.
>
> Josephine
>
>>
>> People,
>> Kuria,Muita,Josephini and |Nzioka,
>>
>> Mbona mnaharibu ladha ya hii cake yangu jameni?
>>
>> Kujeni mkule cake sasa
>>
>> Ja'kamburi
>>
>>
>>
>>> Date: Thu, 2 Sep 2010 09:55:02 +0300
>>> Subject: Re: JUST FOR LAUGHS
>>> From: jnzioka@ppoa.go.ke
>>> To: mlalahoi@googlegroups.com
>>>
>>>
>>> Kuria,
>>>
>>> You were pretending to be better than Muita? "Birds of a feather" You
>>> cannot be Muita's spokesman coz you are almost beating him in that
>>> field.
>>> Keep on baptizing the "cake-baking"
>>>
>>> Josephine
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> > Muita,
>>> > I dont know why you are not insisting on preparing muthokoi instead of
>>> > baking cake. I promise you that
>>> > you will accept the apology after making that muthokoi. Cake baking is
>>> > like
>>> > going for a snack instead of
>>> > taking a meal, a complex one instead of a light meal in the form of a
>>> > cake.
>>> >
>>> > Doing a muthokoi is as easy as cooking ugali but far much better
>>> > especially
>>> > if you have a big pestle. Now this all you will need. A ndiri (mortar)
>>> > since
>>> > you have the pestle (muinduri). I know you have not seen a mortar from
>>> > Ukambani but that is no different from the ndiri back home for
>>> preparing
>>> > njenga or that other stuff looking like unga made through numerous
>>> > hammering.
>>> >
>>> > One she brings the mortar, make sure that it sits well to avoid
>>> destroying
>>> > it or tilting after repeatedly hammering it with your pestle. The more
>>> you
>>> > hammer the mortar, the better the muthokoi get prepared. Make sure you
>>> > dont
>>> > just hit one place otherwise the muthokoi will not be done evenly. Hit
>>> at
>>> > the top, sides and in the middle, first slowly and then vigorously
>>> until
>>> > the
>>> > muthokoi is well done and you can smash it no more. You know you are
>>> done
>>> > when there is no response from the mortar or it collapses. Use your
>>> finger
>>> > or fingers or hands to koroga the muthokoi, slowly and evenly,
>>> stroking it
>>> > in a gentleman manner and then keep on tasting the muthokoi to make
>>> sure
>>> > that it is getting well done.
>>> >
>>> > On Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 2:45 PM, Muita Wangoko
>>> > <muitawangoko@gmail.com>wrote:
>>> >
>>> >> On Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 7:51 AM, <jnzioka@ppoa.go.ke> wrote:
>>> >>>
>>> >>>> Muita, aaaiiiiiiaaa, I thought Mwangi was your spokesperson and I
>>> was
>>> >>>> happy that I was forgiven. Ok can you now forgive me then? If you
>>> dont
>>> >>>> bake cakes unless you are assisted, then I dont think you know how
>>> to
>>> >>>> do
>>> >>>> it. A good chef does it alone. There is a programme called "Top
>>> Chef"
>>> >>>> and
>>> >>>> everyone does his/her thing and he/she is given a present and those
>>> >>>> who
>>> >>>> fail are told to pack their knives and go home. Are you a chef or
>>> an
>>> >>>> assistant chef? Im waiting to be forgiven if that pleases Wangoko.
>>> >>>>
>>> >>>> Josephine
>>> >>>>
>>> >>>
>>> >> @Josephine,
>>> >>
>>> >> I like your name.  It sounds good though I almost bit my upper lip
>>> when
>>> >> I
>>> >> tried pronouncing the name but with a grin.  Kuria Mwangi is one of
>>> the
>>> >> most
>>> >> unreliable beings on earth and so can never be appointed to be my
>>> >> spokesperson.
>>> >>
>>> >> Ich bin einen Profi Bäcker, the germans will tell you, that is to say
>>> I
>>> >> am
>>> >> one of the best cake bakers currently exisiting in the right planet.
>>> I
>>> >> do
>>> >> bake at your own choice or selection at your own space and time and
>>> at
>>> >> the
>>> >> right temperature.  I always do ensure that the ingredients are well
>>> >> nourishing to both mind and body in that it will make you keep on
>>> coming
>>> >> for
>>> >> more.  However, in some cases like yours, we'll have to do it
>>> together.
>>> >> I
>>> >> normally suggest so since then can we both mutually gain, how? come
>>> thee
>>> >> to
>>> >> me and you shall not regret.
>>> >>
>>> >> Forgiveness never comes that easy from Muita son of Wangoko.
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >> +-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
>>> >>  Best Regards,
>>> >>  ./Muita Wangoko
>>> >>
>>> >>  "If the outside is so good, why is it taking too long to perfect the
>>> >> inside?"
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >> +-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
>>> >>
>>> >> --
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>>
>>
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Jackson Gathoni

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