[Fwd: Fw: JUST FOR LAUGHS]

From: Around The World of Laughs Subject: JUST FOR LAUGHS Date: 7 October, 2010     1) Husband comes from church; greets his wife and lifts her up. he carries her around the house. the wife is so surprised and asks "did the pastor preach about being romantic"? the husband said " no, he said we must carry our burdens and sorrows.   2) A man entered a bus. He was sitting between an old woman and a beautiful young girl. All of a sudden, he fell asleep, when he woke up, he found himself laying his head on the old woman's lap. when he saw her face, he said "lord, lead me not into temptation and he slept again. when he woke up the second time, he found out that he was laying his head, this time on the beautiful girl's lap. when he saw her pretty face, then he smiled and said "oh lord, let thy will be done.    3) A pastor and his wife were on a journey to Conakry from Senegal by plane ,when suddenly the pilot announced that the plane is about to crash due to some technical problems, and therefore asked everyone on board to confess their sins so that they could make heaven, suddenly the man of God started confessing that he is responsible for the pregnant house maid and some other church members , then also his wife also confessed cheating with their house help and that their second child belongs to someone else , after all these confessions the pilot now shouted praise thy lord , the plane is now in good condition we are now safe to land , but the man of God shouted , no this plane must crash , pilot I say crash this plane , you have just destroyed my marriage------   4) A woman was trying to reach her hubby on his mobile phone but discovered she was out of airtime. she instructed her son to use his phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy.. after junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy’s phone the 3 times he tried reaching daddy on his mobile phone. She waited impatiently for her husband to return home on sighting him, she immediately gave him a hot slap, while the man was trying to utter a word, she repeated the slap, which attracted their neighbors to the scene, the woman then asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called. Junior said “the number you’re trying to call is not reachable at the moment , please try again later”.             5)  A cheeky friend sent me this SMS yesterday: Former First Lady Stella died and went to heaven. As she stood before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind her. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are lie-clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time a person lies, the hand on the clock moves." "Oh," said Stella, "whose clock is that?" "That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's. The hand has never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible," said Stella. "And whose is that?" St. Peter responded, "That's Nnamdi Azikiwe's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Zik told only two lies in his entire life". "Where's my husband Obasanjo's clock?" asked Stella. "Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.       DISCLAIMER: This e-mail, any attachment and response string are confidential and may be legally privileged. Any opinions expressed in this mail do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Essar Telecom Kenya Limited. If you are not the intended recipient, please telephone or email the sender and delete this message and any attachment immediately. Please do not copy or forward this message or attachment. Internet communications are not secure and therefore Essar Telecom Kenya Limited does not accept legal responsibility for the contents of this message as it has been transmitted over a public network. If you suspect the message may have been intercepted or amended, please call the sender. However, it is the responsibility of the recipient to ensure it is virus free and Essar Telecom Kenya Limited will not accept any responsibility for any loss or damage that may arise from the use of this e-mail or its contents. Thank you.

Enjoy yourselves.

Subject: Fw: JUST FOR LAUGHS
From: "josephine nzioka" <j_nzioka@yahoo.co.uk>
Date: Thu, October 7, 2010 1:07 pm

1)Husband comes from church; greets his wife and lifts her up. he carries
her around the house. the wife is so surprised and asks "did the pastor
preach about being romantic"? the husband said " no, he said we must carry
our burdens and sorrows.

2)A man entered a bus. He was sitting between an old woman and a beautiful
young >girl. All of a sudden, he fell asleep, when he woke up, he found
himself laying his head on the old woman's lap. when he saw her face, he
said "lord, lead me not into temptation and he slept again. when he woke
up the second time, he found out that he was laying his head, this time on
the beautiful girl's lap. when he saw her pretty face, then he smiled and
said "oh lord, let thy will be done.

 3)A pastor and his wife were on a journey to Conakry from Senegal by
plane ,when suddenly the pilot announced that the plane is about to crash
due to some technical problems, and therefore asked everyone on board to
confess their sins so that they could make heaven, suddenly the man of God
started confessing that he is responsible for the pregnant house maid and
some other church members , then also his wife also confessed cheating
with their house help and that their second child belongs to someone else
, after all these confessions the pilot now shouted praise thy lord , the
plane is now in good condition we are now safe to land , but the man of
God shouted , no this plane must crash , pilot I say crash this plane ,
you have just destroyed my marriage------

 
4)A woman was trying to reach her hubby on his mobile phone but discovered
she was out of airtime. she instructed her son to use his phone to pass
across an urgent message to his daddy.. after junior had called, he got
back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddyā€™s
phone the 3 times he tried reaching daddy on his mobile phone. She waited
impatiently for her husband to return home on sighting him, she
immediately gave him a hot slap, while the man was trying to utter a word,
she repeated the slap, which attracted their neighbors to the scene, the
woman then asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when
he called. Junior said the number you āre trying to call is not reachable
at the moment , please try again later.

5) A cheeky friend sent me this SMS yesterday: Former First Lady Stella died
and went to heaven. As she stood before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates,
she saw a huge wall of clocks behind her. She asked, "What are all those
clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are lie-clocks. Everyone on earth has
a lie-clock. Every time a person lies, the hand on the clock moves." "Oh,"
said Stella, "whose clock is that?" "That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's. The
hand has never moved, >indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible,"
said Stella. "And whose is that?" St. Peter responded, "That's Nnamdi
Azikiwe's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Zik told only
two lies in his entire life". "Where's my husband Obasanjo's clock?" asked
Stella. "Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling
fan.

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